Quantcast
Channel: suffering – Melanie Boudwin
Viewing all articles
Browse latest Browse all 14

A Bit of Happy #23: The Power of Gummi Bears

0
0

Mister Rogers wrote a song that I think to myself often. It’s called “What Do You Do with the Mad that You Feel?”  and I can totally relate to the opening lyric when I’m having a rough time:

What do you do with the mad that you feel
When you feel so mad you could bite?
When the whole wide world seems oh, so wrong…
And nothing you do seems very right?

Ever have one of those days? Well, when I do, I really do feel like biting. Always have. Thankfully for my mom, I wasn’t a kid who bit other kids, but I did chomp down on several plastic toys, my pillow, and my beloved blanket when I got tremendously stressed. As an adult, I’ve tried to find more mature ways to deal with my feelings. Unfortunately, even now, when I get really stressed, I feel that same inner need to bite- hard. I’ve tried using gum and carrots, but truly, the best thing in the world when I reach that point is gummi bears- and not the soft, wimpy kind either. Nope, when I pick out my gummi bears I pick the brand that I can squish hard and they keep their shape anyway. The one where the clear ones are pineapple (my personal favorite, if you couldn’t tell).

I know there’s a taboo in eating when you are stressed, and for good reason. But growing up, I used to not eat when I got stressed, and at this point in my life, that tendency worries me more than carrying around a little kummerspeck every once in a while.  It usually doesn’t take very many of the good kind of gummi bears to get my inner aggression out, and I tend to feel a lot better because I’ve listened and been kind to myself.

Sure, it would be great if I became this woman who didn’t get frazzled or upset by anything and could just handle everything in my life with grace. That isn’t the typical weather condition, however, on Planet Melanie. When a friend of mine told me a week ago that she couldn’t imagine my needing to learn more patience because of how patient and calm I already was, I laughed outright and told her the reason my patience is still being tested is because Heavenly Father knows what goes on in my insides. I may appear patient and calm on the outside, I told her, but it’s a lie! There’s a lot of grr! in me still. She loved the way I said, “It’s a lie!” and repeated it out loud to herself several times. Because she could relate. I think most of us can.

The only way I cannot care about things is to… not care about things. That doesn’t work for me. I’d rather have some ups and downs, even if it means having some deep downs, so that I can truly love and care about my life and the people in it.

When I was younger, and had a lot of childcare responsibilities for my age, I remember going to bed some nights and praying from a place of sheer exhaustion. “The kids hate me tonight, Heavenly Father,” I would say, “But they’re alive, and today, that was the best that I could do.”

Two weeks ago, I got this text on my phone:

Oh man thank you for teaching me positive ways of handling kids. I am sure many of mine are angry with me today but hopefully they’ve learned something. Thank you Mellie! I love you!

These moments are true happy and I love them, but usually, they come long after the crisis, long after you have the desperate need  for appreciation and affection and encouragement and REST! In the meantime, you may feel like someone created for the sole purpose to cry and to bite. If you do what you can and you hang in, some form of sweet usually comes. Now that I’m older, I’ve learned to bring the sweet and gentle to myself earlier on. I cry, I pray, I try again… and I give myself gummi bears. Because they are a bit of my personal happy when I’m having a really rough time; an early taste and reminder of some of the sweet that is to come.

The post A Bit of Happy #23: The Power of Gummi Bears appeared first on Melanie Boudwin.


Viewing all articles
Browse latest Browse all 14

Latest Images

Trending Articles





Latest Images